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The Great Loves of Our Lives
This is a category I learned from TheEx, granted he used his list to bring about jealousy and insecurity, and at least one person on it was made up, it’s still a concept I appreciate. These loves can...
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Relieving the Blame
I spent a majority of my marriage looking for the magical charm that was going to fix everything, I believed that if I would simply change something, we’d live happily ever after. No, wait, scratch...
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Childhood Lost
When you realize as an adult that you endured an abusive childhood, it turns your life on its ear. You have to re-evaluate your past, your habits, your behaviors–even if you don’t actively pursue this...
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Dear Dad
Dear Dad, It’s been 20 months since I’ve seen you, nearly a year since those emails from what I refer to as The Father’s Day Massacre. I will never send you this letter, I don’t want to encourage you...
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When no one knows you
When I was young, I remember saying so often, “Nobody listens to me!” No matter what I did or said, my parents usually opted to ignore it and come up with their own answers. If I said I liked blue,...
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Lonesome
I’m feeling horribly lonely right now, like someone is missing. If you’ve ever had a roommate, you probably know that feeling when you’re looking forward to telling them something only to remember he’s...
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Is something in my teeth?
I mentioned last week that my favorite band is playing here on Wednesday and Sunday this week. The guy I drunkenly made out with had texted me and said they would be in town with time off from...
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Well obviously…
That Singer Guy from my favorite band put me on the list to get into the show for free last night, which is especially awesome since the show started at midnight, so I was there on my own. He also...
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Disappointment
Considering how completely unsurprised I am that That Singer Guy cancelled our “date”, one would think I wouldn’t be upset by it. And yet here I am, feeling even more alone. And a little more unwanted....
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No Such Place As Home
When I was a child, I learned that it was only safe to cry alone. If my parents saw me cry, they felt the need to “give [me] something to cry about”, so I learned to hold it in. I would cry in bed at...
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Anything you want me to be
I was walking out to meet a friend yesterday and something popped into my head from my childhood. A friend of mine was allergic to bees, so I became her self-proclaimed bodyguard during recess. Just a...
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“Dating”
I decided to try dating. I already had the friend-searching profile I’d made for a dating site and so may people don’t notice that I’m not interested in dating, it was worth a shot. On Sunday I went...
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Hold me without touch
Sometimes I just crave touch, the idea of being hugged or held sounds so comforting. At my best, I could only handle this in practice for a few minutes, though I’ve forced myself through agonizing...
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Whose body is it?
This is going to be one of those TMI posts, all about my sexual dysfunction. You’ve been warned. I used to live in my body, it was mine and I knew how to use it. I didn’t always like it, I’ve struggled...
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Giving Myself Permission
It’s okay to be sad sometimes, whether I have a reason to feel sad or not, it’s okay. I don’t question it or try to force a different emotion when I’m pointlessly happy, so why judge my sadness? While...
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Loneliness: the Human Condition
I’ve always been lonely. I was a lonely child, a lonely teen and I’ve been a lonely adult. I used to wonder if it was because my mother miscarried my twin (at 5 months, she had to have a D&C of the...
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Feeling Blue
I just woke up sad today. I want to move, I’m sick of living here, I’m disappointed in the people I moved back here to be near. BrotherFriend is still behaving like a child. His girlfriend is now...
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Belonging
A little over 5 years ago, shortly before I moved to this town to be with ThatFriend, I came out to visit him. One night, we dressed up and went out on the town where we ended up at a fancy martini bar...
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Queen of the Contingency Plan
I’m used to things not working out in my life. I’m also used to being the one who has to pick up the pieces and make something work. It’s who I am, it’s what I do. Because of lazy office workers, I...
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Home, Sweet Home
I leave for New Orleans in the morning and I’m more excited to go home than I was to go to Italy. I’ve been so homesick, kicking myself for moving away. I do wonder if I’d have healed as much as I have...
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